i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
