Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
