On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
