You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
