and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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