It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
