So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
