I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
