he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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