I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
