are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
