I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The best revenge is premature balding
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
