either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
