she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
