Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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