How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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