I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize