I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
