i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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