He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
