You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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