I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
