remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
