Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
