a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is the high leading the old right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
