Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
