My friends, they love my intelligence
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
