i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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