Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
