I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
