im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
