Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
