this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
