I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize