there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
