look no pants
i think my tv is drunk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
