my vag is so smooth its legendary
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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