I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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