..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
