She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
