i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
