I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
