Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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