AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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