i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize