Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
