Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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