Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
