At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize