you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
