PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
