She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
