bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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