i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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