I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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