Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
