The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize