Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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