is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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