ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
