I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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