I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
