i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
