May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
