bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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