Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
