this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
