He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
