I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
