i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
