i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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