you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
