Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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