He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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