A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm really busy with my period
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