first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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