I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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