the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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