Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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