Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
