That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They have beer where we have blood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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