im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
