There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
