the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
