I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
