Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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