There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize