My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
