does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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