i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
