Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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