I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am naked and annoyed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
