Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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