I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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